Semper Fi
by sarahmancuso
Summary: How I would bring Elliot back to SVU. Heavy E/O pairing. A little longer than a one-shot...like a one-shot with a couple chapters. :) Rated T, to be safe. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so. I have been dying to write a little story on how I, if I was writing for SVU, would bring Elliot back. Finally, I could take it no longer and decided to put my hopeless daydreams to paper and share with y'all. I haven't written a fanfic in a LONG time (about 7 years) so you can only imagine the growing itch I have had to write something/anything! Writing this, I have become more aware of just how much of a visual person I am and how difficult it is to transform the pictures in my head into words. Given this, please bear with me and try to imagine this story in the context of an actual episode and I will hopefully help you do so as well. Also, I do have some rough drafts of sequential chapters that I can definitely edit and post, given people enjoy this chapter. Actually, I'll probably just edit and post the other chapters anyways because...I can. :)**

 **Obvi, I don't own the show or the characters (much love/hate for Dick Wolf). Thanks and enjoy!**

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 **Chapter 1**

 **Monday**

Olivia passes through the precinct greeting her detectives as she unlocks her office door. She had been running a little late today because Noah had broken her heart when she dropped him off at daycare. She just couldn't help but to stand outside the door for 20 minutes to make sure he was going to be okay! _Monday funday,_ she sarcastically thought to herself while reaching for a large pile of paperwork. This was her life, now. And, for the most part, she loved it. She was comfortable; she had a great job and now had a family. Sure, the business side of being lieutenant wasn't fun and being a single mom was difficult and certainly not glamorous. Still, she found comfort in knowing that she had authority and stability both at home and at work and reveled in the love she had for her team and her son. Thus, this was her life and she loved it.

The better half of everyone's morning was spent doing paperwork until "lunch hour" (around noon but closer to 10:30 on most days) came. Carisi and Rollins had already agreed to meet Fin at a small bistro for lunch. With most of the other detectives in the precinct at lunch, that left Olivia. She had gotten used to eating lunch at her desk so that's what she did, until a few minutes had passed and she jumped, noting the time.

She had forgotten about her meeting with a prospective sponsor and he was expected to be there any minute. So, she began tidying her office up by arranging the piles of papers into neat stacks and hanging her jacket and bag on the appropriate hooks and even drew the blinds up on the window so the light creeped in. Settling back into her chair, she idled her time with some paperwork and waited for her appointment to arrive.

"Lieutenant. There's uh, this guy here. Says he's looking for you." The young officer who informed her held the door open for the man. Olivia had swung her chair around while looking in her filing cabinet so she could not directly see her guest. She quickly filed the folder and stood to face and greet the sponsor.

"Mr. Be-" However, the man standing in front of her desk was not Mr. Beckert, the prospective sponsor she had been expecting. The sight of Elliot Stabler standing before her made her temporarily speechless. She could feel her knees weaken under his gazing blue eyes but could also feel the heat of anger traveling to her head.

Elliot wore jeans and a gray t-shirt under his black jacket and looked pretty rough as he hadn't shaven in a couple of days. He no longer stood tall and strong but looked defeated and broken. It was then that she realized that she had gotten the meeting times mixed up and thought how ironic and fateful life was. Her gaze softened as she noticed all of this and part of her ached to ask and tell him so many things: _How had he been? What was wrong? What's new in his life? How are the kids? I've missed you._ The other part of her was not coping so well and wanted to just yell and fight.

He could tell she was fighting herself on whether to yell or cry and this made him want to comfort her. He knew how much he had hurt her and has regretted it ever since and before today, he had been fighting battles himself. He had stayed away for so long because he was afraid of what he might say or do to potentially hurt her or anyone that got caught in the line of fire. Elliot figured he'd avoid the topic for as long as possible so he broke his gaze with her and nervously walked around her office.

"Nice place. Lieutenant fits you." She is thankful that he has decided to tiptoe on the line of conversation because that gives her the extra 7 seconds to gather herself.

"Pretty soon you'll be keeping a bottle of booze under your desk and giving detectives rips, like Cragan." He jokes and gives her a half-smile that she returns. God, how they both missed those days.

"Yeah, well I'm half-way there." She flashes the bottle of red wine that she keeps for special occasions and they both share a weak laugh. As his smile lingers, hers disappears and she makes the first dance move in this very somber and fragile tango.

"What happened, Elliot?" She is gentle with her words for she knows that neither of them would be able to handle an argument right now. As he sighs and paces, she walks in front of her desk and motions for him to take a seat in the chair, which he does and she sits on the edge of her desk, waiting for him.

"Its uh," His voice strains and he struggles to find the right words.

"Its been a rough couple of…years, Liv. I…" His words stop and start again as he battles the waves of emotion and tears that build inside him. "I've had to really stop and…and do an evaluation on, on myself and my life and my family and everyone and everything…After that day…" His words were slow and careful, as if he were walking on a thin sheet of ice and one wrong step would end his life. Tears brimmed the edges of his eyes and he tried to think of everything his therapist had said on not suppressing emotions and how it was alright to communicate with others. He was never good at just talking, at least not with anyone that wasn't Olivia. After the incident, he shut himself off completely and wouldn't talk to anyone until he realized that he had lost everything.

"I just couldn't understand this world anymore. I was supposed to protect the innocent and I ended up taking the life of a child. The guilt was too much…" Olivia saw his tears and her heart ached all over again for him and for her old life. She hopped off her desk and crouched down before him so she was looking him directly in the eyes, even though he looked away. He missed her so much and wanted to hold her, feel her, just to know that it was real, but he was afraid of breaking what little progress they had made.

"You are not to blame for anything that happened that day, Elliot." He had heard that statement a million times before-his therapist, his ex-wife, his therapist again-but he never believed the words as much as when she spoke them. He looked into her eyes and she grabbed his hands reassuringly, sending a surge of raw feeling through his body.

"Olivia. I _never_ meant to hurt you. I didn't want to end it like that and I didn't want to abandon you like I did. But…" She squeezed his hands in hers and nodded, knowingly.

"But you did." She said bluntly, with a half-smile that told him it was over. She took a deep breath before standing up, him following her actions. "I forgive you, Elliot. I know how you felt and I can tell how much you have been working on yourself and this makes me so proud and so happy for you." Tears now threatened to stain her cheeks but she fights them by swallowing hard.

"You will always be my partner and my best friend…and so much more…but I've moved on." The cold heart that she had been left to perfect was now gracing the conversation with its presence. Of course she didn't really move on, not completely, and of course she didn't want to be so harsh but she needed to be resilient. It was no longer just her emotions she needed to guard; she had Noah and others who looked to her for guidance. If she let Elliot into her life so quickly, he would take advantage of her emotionally, like he had before, and she would be left in pieces.

Unfortunately, Olivia failed to realize that Elliot had _genuinely_ changed for the better. He winced at her words but knew that he deserved them and that she was not to blame for thinking he would use her. She tried to remain heartless and composed but when she saw him crack under her harsh words, she knew she had misjudged him. What was she supposed to say, though? He had taken her loyalty and love for granted for so many years. She had been by his side through it all and she was willing to stick by his side after the Jenna incident. Sure, he had been there for her through the years but she was beginning to think that all of the times she thought he was appreciating/loving/etc. her, she had read into it too much.

After he left, she had convinced herself that he was a married man who was dedicated to his job and if he had showed any emotion towards her, it was coming from a place of friendship at best. Not to mention the fact that when he decided to give up, he left her with no explanation and a shitty goodbye that she also read into too much. Was she supposed to cry with him and confess her undying love and devotion while he promises to leave his family and settle down with her? That's what imagination and dreams are for and this was reality. Tears were freely streaming down both of their faces.

Elliot, hurt and stunned, raised his hand, fighting the urge to touch her and hold her. His hand hovered so close to the side of her face and he gently stroked the air as if it were her skin, which still sent shivers down Olivia's body as she closed her eyes, pretending it was real. He retracted his hand and left the room, defeated. Once the door closed behind him, she sunk to the floor and sobbed as she grieves for him, for her and for what they could have been. She wants him to return, she wants to run after him, she wants to be close to him but she knows she can't. She reaches for the necklace that is hidden out of sight that she wears every day. The pin is small enough to hang on the chain and stays nestled close to her heart every day. It is his Semper Fidelis pin. She brings the pin to her cheek and imagines it was him.


	2. Chapter 2

**This isn't exactly a songfic but I just really like the idea of this song playing during the scene. :) Thanks and enjoy!**

 **P.S. Sorry this is so short, I will post the third one soon. I just felt like it wouldn't flow as well if I combined them into less chapters. :)**

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 **Chapter 2**

 **Still Monday**

 _I Could Have Lied_ by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Elliot left the precinct that he once called home and walked 5 blocks to his apartment he had been living in. He couldn't remember much of the walk back because he had been in a dazed state, trying to process everything that had just happened. _I've moved on,_ her words echoed and pierced him once again.

Elliot sat in a fold-up chair positioned in the middle of the small kitchen with his left hand clutching the neck of a bottle of cheap whiskey that he had been saving for "special occasions." He had a small radio that hummed RHC's _I Could Have Lied_. He recognized the song and nodded solemnly as if to deem the song appropriate given the situation. He was feeling like he was completely out of options at this point.

He had fucked up, he admits it; he spent months and thousands of dollars in therapy just to admit it. He had tried to fix things with Kathy but they hadn't had a real conversation for months after the accident and by the time he opened the door for conversation, she had handed him the divorce papers and closed the door in his face.

Oddly enough, he was proud of her for thinking of herself and taking the initiative to salvage whatever bit of youth she had left and move on so she could find the one she really deserved. Most of his kids had their own lives and they would visit him to make sure he was adjusting alright, even though he wasn't.

He had spent days before today convincing himself to talk with Olivia. He would get up, give himself a pep talk and then chicken out; or he would get halfway to the precinct and convince himself that the worst would happen; or plan the whole conversation out, only to forget his "lines". He took the risk and fell hard and now he had no one left to try to fix things with. The one person that he screwed over most of all, the one person who had been by his side through some of his darkest times and didn't try to reason or judge his emotions, the one person who, in her eyes, he could do no wrong. And he couldn't fix what he broke. Like she said, she had moved on just like she thought _he_ did, and now she had a great job and who knows what else.

He could see she had changed, she was hardened, a little more jaded than before, and he had done that to her. He felt worthless in her eyes, now. She had grown since he left and has changed, he had no idea who she was anymore and here he was, the same old and broken Elliot he had been before he left. If he wasn't fucked up before shooting that little girl, he sure as hell was now and why would she be willing to let someone like that back into her perfect life.

He knew that if he didn't make things right with her, neither of them would be able to live peacefully without some closure. He didn't know what or how he was going to do this but knew he had to try. He stood from the chair, set the bottle down and went to his bathroom so he could splash cold water on his face. With all of this change in his life he felt like he was losing grip on reality. He stared at himself in the mirror, water dripping from his face, and for the first time in a long time, he had recognized the person looking back at him. He had a fire burning inside him and it felt so familiar and wanting, like an old friend that he hadn't seen in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**You know the spiel. I own nothing, no matter how much I wish I did, and I hope you enjoy and thank you! :)**

 **Oh! I might add, for those who do not know, that "semper fi" translates to "always faithful." :)**

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 **Chapter 3**

 **Tuesday**

Olivia hears Noah crying and gets out of bed, figuring she had better get ready for work anyway. She picks her crying son up and bounces him on her hip so that he quiets and casts his eyes up into her own. She smiles adoringly as she commences the arduous task of getting him and her dressed and ready and then each other out the door; mornings were usually a bit chaotic but paled in comparison to the chaos she faced at work every day.

While juggling her son on one hip, a case file in the opposite hand and her phone pressed against her shoulder, she closed the fridge door with her foot. The team had just closed a case and Fin was calling to update her on what happened at trial. After the phone call, she moved quickly to pack everything up and headed out the door to drop Noah off at daycare.

Olivia got two steps into the precinct before Carisi informed her of another case. "Got a call about 5 minutes ago. Fin and Rollins are on their way there now."

It wasn't until after noon when she finally got the chance to sit down and eat something, and even then she had to force herself to do so because she wanted to continue to work the case. She took pride in her work ethic and needed to keep her mind busy so she didn't think about Elliot's sudden visit yesterday. It's not that she wasn't so glad to see him, she was, she just didn't want to seem like she was desperate. Their relationship had always required this kind of thought, they never wanted to seem like they needed each other so they acted like they didn't need one another at all.

She was sitting at a table in the break room enjoying someone's leftover stir-fry that she had found in the staff fridge when she heard footsteps approaching. She got nervous that the owner of the food would be the one to walk through the door so she quickly snapped the lid shut and tossed the container into the fridge before leaning against the counter casually.

"Smooth." Elliot smirked sarcastically, appreciating her effort but, having taught her that trick in the first place, he wasn't buying it. Olivia rolled her eyes and threw the fridge door open to retrieve her stolen goods once more.

"What do you want, Elliot?" Again, she didn't want to seem desperate so she gave him the cold shoulder but continued to grab two forks and toss one at him as they sat across from each other at the small table. This small gesture meant so much to him and told him that she wasn't giving up on him. They both stabbed their food and took a bite in perfect sync with one another, just like old times.

"I thought about what you said." His voice was calm and confident and he gazed at her while she continued to eat and avoid his eye contact. "You've moved on, I get it." He continued to pause as if he was waiting for her to respond.

"I'm here to let you know…I haven't. I haven't tried to move on and I never will." Now he had her attention as she returned his gaze, half shock, half adoration on her face. "You can try to argue and fight but I'm not leaving until _we_ are okay."

As he lingered on the _we_ , she saw the determination in his eyes and knew she wanted him to stay just as much as he did. They both got up and were now standing in front of each other, trying to decipher one another.

Her eyes swelled with tears as she smiled and said, "You are one stubborn son of a bitch." Smiling, he wrapped his arms around her but jumped and pulled away when he felt something sharp poke him in the chest. He could see a pin poking out of her blazer which he noticed was pinned to the inside and surmised that it must have come undone at some point.

Giving her a curious look, of which she returned with a look of anxiety, he gently pulled her blazer ajar to remove the pin and examine it in awe. He held his Semper Fidelis pin in between their bodies until she plucked it from his hands and turned it over in her own before looking back up at him and whispering, "Semper fi."

A tear rolls down her cheek as he gazes at her proudly. The two join again, holding onto each other, afraid to let go and loose one another forever. They could both feel their heartbeats through their clothing, as if their hearts had been waiting for this moment since they last parted. While they were both well aware of the sexual tension and feelings that had developed before, the feeling in this moment was purely love and trust for one another as partners and best friends. Neither wanted to end the hug but they eventually did and agreed to have lunch the next day, if/when Olivia got the time. They were both missing a large chunk of their lives and needed to know everything about the other so they could continue with their relationship. They weren't sure where this relationship was going but were positive that it would be stronger than before.

 **Wednesday**

"Well, we're going to have to canvas the whole apartment complex. Somebody had to have heard or seen something. Hit the streets." Olivia directs her team as she stares at the whiteboard, trying to understand the latest case. After deciding that she wasn't going to solve the case by staring at it, she headed back to her desk and saw her phone light up, indicating she had received a text.

 _From: El_

 _you free for lunch? or do you have a case?_

She was happy to see his text and replied right away, agreeing to meet at a frequented diner for lunch. As she made her way out of the precinct she felt her stomach do flips and her level of anxiety rise. She was nervous to tell him about her life since his leave; how she had been sexually assaulted, moved up in ranks, had a couple serious relationships, oh and, adopted a child. She didn't know how he would take all of that and if it would make him feel like she didn't need/want him anymore, because that certainly wasn't true.

She saw him sitting on a bench outside of the diner and smiled as he stood. "You must have broken a couple laws to get here before me." She nagged, thinking he drove.

"My apartment is just a couple blocks from here." He smiled and opened the door for her as they grabbed a table near the window.

"That's quite a downgrade." She was curious as to how Kathy and the kids fit into this picture (and this apartment), so she prodded.

"Eh, it's not so bad. Cheap rent, friendly neighbors. And I don't need the space anymore…the kids live with Kathy." She admired him for opening up so easily and for putting up a front but she could see he was still in pain.

"I'm sorry, El…" He gave her a reassuring smile and was about to say something but the waitress had interrupted.

They ordered food and talked about their lives. He told her everything that had happened, how he had started drinking and went to therapy and about Kathy and how he was coping with it and was doing well. She told him a lot as well, about her team, Munch and Cragan leaving, the various changes in the department and even about William Lewis. The whole time she talked he listened so intensely and was as if he was mentally taking note of her every word. She saw how tense he got when she told him about Lewis and what he had done to her so she squeezed his arm from across the table.

"Don't worry, I'm fine now." She smiled and released his arm once she felt him relax.

They had finished their food long ago and we're on their third cup of coffee each when Olivia looked at her phone and realized they had been talking for close to three hours. "Well, I better get back to the precinct before they send ESU." He paid for the food and they both stepped out onto the street.

"This was nice, thank you." She said as they stood in the middle of the sidewalk where people walked around them.

"Not a problem. Give me a ring or shoot me a text next time you have a couple hours off, yeah?" Judging from the smile on her face, he wouldn't have to ask her twice so she nodded and they both started walking in opposite directions.

"Hey, El!" She called back, remembering she forgot to mention one major detail, and he pivoted around to face her. "You should drop by for dinner one of these days." She had walked backed to where he had been standing, beaming from ear to ear as she told him, "You have to meet my son." His eyes widened and a smile crept onto his face while she nodded and laughed as if she still couldn't believe it.

"Come again?" She snorted at his confusion.

"His name's Noah and he's my adopted son." For a moment, she thought he would react negatively but then a smile spread over his face and he pulled her in for a huge bear hug.

"I would _love_ to meet your son." She smiled against his shoulder as she felt his voice so close. Reluctantly, they pulled away and continued to walk away, her back to work and he back to his apartment. Both, though, were leaving with a feeling of belonging that neither had felt in a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the fourth chapter. Warning, I don't own anything and I even stole that little scene at the end of the last episode (S17E13) and put my flare on it. Also, I'm taking advantage of the fact that, as the writer, I can finagle with time. Lol. In reality, its RARE for someone to be arraigned and go to trial in the same day, just so we're being real :) ANYWAYS, thanks for the reviews and what not and enjoy!**

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 **Chapter 4**

 **Thursday**

Olivia woke up with a smile on her face and sighed happily as the positive effects of a full night's sleep were absorbed by her body. Yesterday had been perfect with him, and last night she had slept the whole night without waking up from a nightmare! She didn't want to think into it too much so she accepted the peculiar occurrences and agreed that today would be a great day.

After dropping Noah off at daycare, she walked into the precinct to be greeted by Fin who had coffee for her and told her that Carisi was out picking up a suspect. It turned out that they had gotten a break in the case. Things were going great, so far. _Odd. Since when do I live in a perfect world…_ The thought was fleeting and gone before she had the chance to think on it as there was much to do. She was hoping that this case would finally be closed today and that she could leave work early so she could invite Elliot over for dinner. While things _were_ going well, she knew better than to get her hopes up.

Sure enough, by noon the case had gone South and the suspect that they had thought looked good for the rapes had a rock solid alibi. Fin and Olivia were on their way to speak to a victim that may have fallen prey to their perp. Unfortunately, by the time they arrived at the victim's apartment, she had picked up and moved, according to her land lord. Olivia sighed as she slumped down into her desk chair back at the precinct, running her hands through her hair. She had gotten a call about two more victims, same MO and still no known survivors to corroborate anything. _That's more like it,_ she thought as she picked her cellphone up at dialed Elliot's number.

"Stabler."

"Hey, it's Liv. I'm gonna have to give you a raincheck for that dinner tonight…tough day."

"Ya alright? Sound stressed. What's going on?" She smiled at his concern and started twirling her hair like a 13 year old who had been shot with Cupid's arrow.

"Oh, ya know. 5 bodies, all raped, no one to pin for it. Nothing new."

"That does sound tough. Do you need anything? I can grab some takeout for you. Who's taking care of Noah?" She was surprised he remembered Noah's name, but then again she wasn't. She was just having a hard time accepting reality because it all felt so dream-like.

"No no, I'll be fine. And I'll just call the sitter and ask her to stay late tonight. Thank you, though." He loved how she had an answer for everything but it had always worried him that she acted as if everything wasn't completely chaotic in her world.

"I'm here anytime. Hey Liv, go get the bastard, will ya?"

"I will. Bye."

Olivia didn't get out of the office until around 9 later that night. She practically had to drag her body up the stairs to her apartment but she managed. She thanked the sitter and sent her home before peeking into Noah's room to check on him. The little boy was sound asleep in his crib, his perfect little form rising and falling with each breath. She kissed her son on the head and turned his night light on before closing the door so it was just cracked. As she poured herself a glass of wine, she thought deeply about all that had happened in the past few days. She had been set on the view that Elliot coming back into her life would be a great thing; after all, it is what she has wanted for so long. But, as she sips her wine, she starts to think about the consequences.

She doesn't want this new relationship to be like the old one; she wants more than just a friendship or a partnership or whatever it was that they had. She wants him in the most raw and emotional way possible but also wants him in the most genuine and loving way. She wants him to be her best friend, her partner, her lover, Noah's father-figure, the one who she can cry with, the one who she can (and always has) connect with. She knows it's selfish and she hates that she feels this way, especially because she knows it won't happen; he has children, he has done the marriage thing, he doesn't want to start over with her. For God's sake, she had seen the man for less than 24 hours in the past five years and was now picturing him as more than he's ready to be! But she knows that her heart won't be able to stand a monotonous friendship with the man she has wanted to call home for so long. So, she won't.

 **Friday**

After a long morning and afternoon of arraignment and trials, the piece of scum who raped and murdered five women is finally sentenced. Olivia should be thrilled but the excitement of a win had worn out long ago because she is all too familiar with the fact that there are still five more rapists on the street for every one they lock up. She sends everyone home for the weekend early and decides to hammer some paperwork out before going home.

She hadn't given much more thought on the subject of Elliot but was still sure she had to limit how far this relationship would go. There was, of course, the possibility that hewould want more than just a friendship, but that was just wishful thinking on her part. With her work done for the week and another rapist off the streets, she went home to be with her son.

"He's good, he's sleeping like a baby." She says to him on the phone as she pours herself another glass of wine. She glances at her iPad that displays the view of Noah from the baby monitor in his crib.

"And how about you?" Elliot knows it had been a stressful week but doesn't want to push.

"Me? I'm fine." Always so convincing.

"Sleeping alright?" He knew how the job got to people as he had been there not long ago.

"I took the mandatory time off…" She heard his voice worrying and assured him. "And yes, I'm seeing my shrink."

"Well, good. I know it's not much fun but it'll help. Hey, what about dinner tomorrow night?" He hadn't seen her in a whole day and now that he was back in her life, he was feeling like just two hours was too long to not see her.

"Well, that _does_ sound like more fun." She was hesitant to make any moves in this delicate tango for fear she would cross the point of no return.

"My place or yours?" He asked after giving her a small laugh.

She opens her mouth to speak, she wants to say yes and admit she is so incredibly head-over-heels for him, but she reminds herself that it won't happen. "…raincheck?"

"Yeah, I'm free anytime. Just give me a ring." Judging from the tone of her voice, he becomes suspicious but doesn't want to push her too hard.

"Ok." She tries her best to sound okay.

"Promise?" He jokes lightly but there is truth in it.

"Ok."

"Alright, I'm tired." She hears him yawn into the phone and laughs weakly.

"Me too."

"Night, Liv."

"Bye."

They both hang up. Olivia tops her wine off and continues to nurse it, as if it's a tell-all miracle elixir. She has so many questions, so many emotions and she doesn't know what to do. She wants to tell him how she feels but knows that she won't because she couldn't bare the rejection. At the same time, though, she can't stand to work on a relationship that will only lead to heartbreak. So, she takes another sip, letting her worries drift away as her mind runs through the perfect scenarios in which she is in his arms. This is how she copes; she can't face him and can't run away, so she ignores him and dreams about the what-ifs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here's the next, and probably second-to-last, chapter. Then again, the first chapter says that this was a one-shot so...welp. :)**

 **Note: Olivia and Elliot reminisce in one section of this chapter. To hopefully cut back on the confusion, I put the "flashback" part in italics...if that makes any sense.**

 **Also, I appreciate the constructive feedback (and all feedback, really) and have tried to incorporate those changes. So, thank you! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Saturday**

Olivia still had qualms about starting anything with Elliot, even if it was just to reignite their friendship. She was still bitter about him leaving and showing up out of nowhere five years later. She wanted to be 100% positive that he would never leave again but knew that this was ridiculous and impossible. She spent the morning mulling her thoughts over in her head before making a deal with herself. She would have Elliot over for dinner but she would take things slow, keep it almost professional and maintain a low expectation. She figured if she did all of that and things didn't work out, there would be less heartbreak; it was like insurance on their nonexistent relationship or damage control for something that may never happen.

"Stabler." He sounded relaxed as he answered the phone.

"What's up?" She tried to sound casual, even though she was freaking out on the inside. This was her third time dialing his number and she tried with all her heart to relax and slow her heartrate.

"Hey, Liv! Nothing much, just sitting on my ass watching TV." She smiled at his response and put Noah down on the rug with his toys.

"Well, if you're free tonight, I was wondering if you'd like to cash in that raincheck? Only if you're ass doesn't mind leaving the couch, though." She smiled hearing him laugh a little.

"I'm sure it won't mind, as long as there's a couch for it to rest over at your place."

"I'll see what I can do." They both laugh. "How does 7 o'clock sound?"

They agreed on the time before hanging up so both of them could prepare. Olivia spent the afternoon cleaning her apartment, finding dishes that didn't have cartoon characters plastered on them and silver wear that wasn't baby-proof. She and Noah took the short walk to the grocery store to pick up a few necessities for the dinner before heading back to start the cooking. She had always enjoyed cooking but rarely had the time so she was thankful she had the opportunity to do so tonight. Plus, between cooking dinner and taking care of Noah, she had no time to think about everything that could go wrong.

Elliot stood on her stoop at around 6 and pressed the button for her apartment. The buzzer sounded, granting him access into the building. As he made his way up to her floor his stomach started doing flips and he could feel his knees tremble. He had no reason to be nervous but couldn't help but to wonder if everything would be alright. He wanted to mend their relationship, more now than ever after he found out about Noah. He wanted to be there for her and wanted her to know that he would never leave. He shook the tension out of his shoulders, took a deep breath and knocked on her door.

"It's open!" She yelled from the kitchen as she bounced Noah on her hip and turned the radio that she had been blasting down. She turned the burner off on the stove and the two stepped out of the kitchen so they were standing a couple feet in front of the door. Elliot opened the door, set the case of beer and bottle of wine he had been holding on the ground, and saw her standing there, smiling as Noah squirmed happily on her hip. He couldn't help but to stare at the two of them and note how perfect they looked. She noticed his staring and felt a blush creep up onto her cheeks.

"This is Noah." She said, walking towards Elliot. Noah had a wooden spoon in his hand and was swinging it back and forth, saying something in gibberish and smiling at Elliot who was now grinning from ear to ear.

"Hi, Noah!" Elliot gave him a huge smile and grabbed onto his free hand to pretend to shake it. "It is so nice to meet you!" The little boy giggled and watched as Elliot made faces at him, making both mother and son laugh. Noah gazed up at Elliot, amazed by the man's features and low voice and reached his little arms towards the giant. Olivia watched as Elliot held her son and so easily interacted with him, not that she should be surprised seeing as Elliot had had his fair share of kids.

"Noah, show Elliot how you can walk!" Noah responded to his mother's voice by kicking his legs, waiting for Elliot to let him walk. He put Noah down and held onto both of the boy's arms as he stumbled a couple steps joyfully. They both cooed at the child for encouragement and Noah laughed his way into Olivia's arms. It had only been a minute and everyone was having a great time and both were feeling completely relaxed.

"Dinner will be ready in just a minute if you wanna take a seat." She said carrying her son over to the dining table and setting him in his highchair. Elliot grabbed the beer and wine and followed her, setting the items on her counter.

"Smells good, Liv. What're we having?" He tried to have a quick taste from whatever was in the pot on the stove but, before he could do so, she was swatting his hand away and laughing. "Fine, fine. I'll get you a drink." He seemed to hum happily as he maneuvered his way around her kitchen, opening the cabinets until he found two wine glasses and poured them each a glass. She placed the food on the table and took her place at the table next to Noah who was happily munching on his cheese puffs. Elliot sat across from her, also next to Noah and the three ate happily.

"This is nice." Elliot spoke after a while of eating, making Olivia inwardly anxious as to where the line of conversation would lead to next. "The food is great! I haven't had a home cooked meal in a while." He noted approvingly.

"Thank you," She let out a sigh, thankful that the conversation was a safe topic. "Yeah, we don't do a lot of cooking around here. The job keeps us busy enough." He nodded knowingly and then bent down to pick up Noah's sippy cup that he had tossed a second ago. She smiled at the two as they interacted with one another. Her son seemed to like Elliot, which was nice to see because he usually had a thing with strangers and would act really shy and even grumpy.

After she was sure everyone was finished eating, she got up to take the dishes to the dishwasher only to be stopped by Elliot's hand on hers as she reached for his plate. The contact sent a shock up her arm and a shiver down her back.

"I can do that, you sit." He had always been a gentleman and she admired this quality, especially because he knew she didn't like being treated like she was a fragile, incapable woman. And this, she thinks, is why he had always insisted on being such a gentleman. This was certainly a nontraditional way of thinking, but they loved to push each other's buttons when they got the chance. So, she rolled her eyes with a smile and let him take the dishes.

As he plopped the dishes in the dishwasher, he heard Noah starting to fuss and knew he would be wanting out of his highchair. "Aww yes, I know." He cooed, walking over and releasing the boy's restraint belt and picking him up. "She scares me sometimes, too." Elliot smirked at Olivia before taking Noah into the living room, plopping him and himself down next to the toys.

Olivia was mesmerized watching them play together. Her son was laughing as he doinked a plastic animal off of Elliot's shoulder, making him pretend he was hurt and fall on his back dramatically. Noah continued to laugh and climbed on to Elliot's chest, sitting triumphantly and proud of his victory as the defeated man played dead. They carried on like this for a while; Elliot playing dead, whirling Noah above him as if he were a plane and Olivia just smiling and laughing with them.

Elliot was lying on his side, using one arm to prop his head up as Noah balanced a line of building blocks on the man's other arm. As if he decided it was time to stop, the boy did so and started to rub his eyes, yawning. Both adults watched in anticipation as Noah crawled into the crook of Elliot's shoulder and started to drift off. They both knew that getting a child to _voluntarily_ go to bed was a rarity and also knew the consequences of disturbing such a rare process. They waited carefully, not making a noise or moving so as to not interrupt the child. It didn't take long before they could hear Noah's light snores and were able to release the breath they had been holding.

"We should have you over more often." She half-joked while Elliot stood carefully with Noah in his arms still. She walked in front of them, leading him down the hallway and into Noah's room. He gently placed the boy in his crib and she covered him with his blanket before kissing him on the forehead and exiting. She took her time closing the door so as to not make a noise. She could feel Elliot's presence against her back and when she turned around, she found him a little closer than she had expected him to be.

"He's perfect, Liv." The corner of his mouth was turned up into a light smile as he became aware of the proximity of his body and her's.

"Thank you." Her voice barely above a whisper. She could feel his breath on her and she would be willing to bet money that he could hear her heart beating out of control. _Keep it professional, Olivia._ The voice of reason tried to tell her, but she could no longer control her body. Her eyelids fluttered, her lips parted slightly and she wanted to touch him, kiss him, so badly. He grinned at the internal struggle she was having and decided not to react, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"You want a beer?" His voice snapped her back to reality, making her shake her head and run her hand through her hair as he padded back to the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Uh, yeah. Please." _Get a grip. Keep. It. Professional._ She reasoned, sure she would be able to maintain her composure now. He popped both bottle tops off the counter and handed her a beer before they made their way to the couch.

"Takes ya back, huh?" They both smiled as they reminisced. Each was sitting at opposite ends of the couch with Olivia sitting with her feet tucked under her and Elliot's arm resting on the back of the couch. "Remember that time back in 2000? We were hanging out like this." She began to laugh as the memories flooded back to her.

"We had just closed a big case and wanted to celebrate," He began, smiling at her.

"Uh, God. We were so young…" She interrupted, jealous of her youth and taking a swig of her beer as he agreed.

"And dumb. Young and dumb." He laughed at the thought of them sitting on the couch that night long ago, watching a game on her old box television and drinking beer. _They had ordered a pizza and when it arrived Elliot had gone outside to pay the delivery guy._

"I miss that apartment! Ground floor luxury." She said remembering the crappy unit she had rented back in the day.

"Well, if I'm remembering correctly, it was because you lived on the ground floor that we got our asses served by Munch and Fin." They both laughed, remembering the drunken confusion of that night.

 _Elliot went to pay the guy but when he got there, he was nowhere to be found. He had looked around a bit before calling back into Olivia's apartment, which was closest to the exit._

"I should have known better than to leave my apartment!" Both were laughing pretty hard now, feeling the alcohol start to take effect, much like it had that night.

 _After leaving her door open and going to the main door to see what the hold up was, things took a turn. Just as she asked what was going on, they both felt a light shove from behind, pushing them both out onto the stoop. As they turned around to see what the hell was happening, they saw a giggling Munch and Fin closing the door (which locked) and running back into Olivia's apartment, with the pizza!_

He loved to see her laugh-the way she closed her eyes and let her head tip back, lengthening her neck. They were both silent and smiling, still playing the memory out in their heads as if their minds were connected and playing the same movie.

 _After looking at each other in shock, the two slightly buzzed detectives couldn't help but to giggle. Olivia stepped off the stoop, her bare feet hitting the cement, and continued to step into the bushes, reaching up to try to reach her window. Noticing she was just short of being able to look in, Elliot came up behind her, put his hands on her waist and lifted her with ease so she was sitting on his shoulder._

 _She rapped on the window, "You sneaky sons of bitches! Let us in!" They laughed and he set her back down, both stumbling back to the stoop where they took turns buzzing her apartment in hopes of annoying the crap out of them. After a minute of buzzing, she remembered that her bathroom window was open. She pulled him pack into the bushes and around the side of the building to the back where her bathroom window was._

" _Can you reach?" She whispered, trying to stifle her urge to laugh by biting her lip. He sized the side of the building up before jumping and grabbing onto the ledge of the window. He struggled but eventually pulled himself up and into the bathroom and stood to hear her giggling outside. He leaned out the window and reached for her hands, pulling her inside with him._

 _They tiptoed out of the bathroom and down the hall, Elliot covering her just as if they were doing a sweep. She poked her head around the corner of the wall to see Munch and Fin on the couch watching TV, having a beer and lounging, full knowing that they were struggling outside. Elliot raised his hand and silently counted to three before they popped out and scared them._

 _After roughing them up a bit, they all laughed about it and decided to settle in. The four friends gathered up with beers and pizza and watched a game, making snide remarks and snickering at each other. All having a similar thought: c'est la vie._

Olivia smiled at the thought of them sitting around, laughing and having a great time. This was how memories were supposed to be-pure bliss full of laughter, smiles, good friends, etc. She suddenly became aware of Elliot's hand on her shoulder, his thumb caressing her gently as he too came back from his trip down Memory Lane. He noticed her sigh sadly.

"What's wrong?" She was having a hard time holding her tears back.

"It's nothing. Just…" She swallowed the lump in her throat as he began to rub her back. "Gets a little sad thinking about the past." She tried her best to smile at him.

He understood. For as long as he had known her, she had never reacted well to change. He missed what they had as well, but he had been forced to move on when Kathy had Eli, the job took a turn for the worse along with his marriage, and life was just sort of snowballing. Before he could slow down, take a step back, appreciate what he had and try to savor or salvage it, it was too late.

"Yeah. Time has a funny way of blessing us and then taking from us." He didn't really know what to say to make her feel better. He didn't want to bring the past up anymore, not in a negative light, at least. He removed his hand from her back and fiddled with his empty beer bottle.

They were silent. She was done playing games and needed to know how he felt. She needed to know if he was here to stay or not. She was tired of thinking about him day in and day out, wondering if he would ever come back to her, if he ever had feelings for her, and now that he was here, she needed to know if he felt the same way. _It's about to get unprofessional._ As this thought passed her mind, she lost all patience.

"Do you think about me?" Her bluntness made him damn near choke on his beer and he looked at her, stunned.

"What?"

"Do you think about me? Have you ever looked at me as more than your partner? Or more than your friend?" He was at a loss for words and kept stuttering, not forming any coherent thought, while she turned herself so she was cross-legged on the couch facing him.

"God, Elliot, think!" She was getting impatient.

"Why the hell do you need to know _right_ now?!" He was still absorbing her words and was not sure he should answer her.

She sighed and rubbed her temples, willing herself to slow down. "I'm sorry…I just. I need to know if all that I have felt since day _one_ …if all of it was just in my head." She stood, pacing in front of him.

"I've spent the last 18 years suppressing thoughts and feelings and…urges! God! After every case I would go home and ask myself: Did he mean to touch me like that? What did he really mean when he said that? Was he flirting intentionally?!" She was working herself into a frenzy of emotions and he had to stand up and stop her before she paced the flooring away.

"Woah woah, calm down. Breathe, Olivia." He placed his hands on each of her shoulders, taking a breath as if she was supposed to copy him. She shot him a look, full of emotions: anger, urgency, passion. It scared him a little, but mostly intrigued the hell out of him. Her mind was racing so fast that she couldn't sort her thoughts. She was feeling like time was out, it was either now or never. His eyes were glancing back and forth between her eyes and her lips, wondering what her next move was.

"Fuck it." And just like the last remaining fuck she gave flew out the window.

She pulled him close by the neck of his shirt and brought his lips to her's, looping her free hand behind his head and grabbing tufts of his hair. It took no time for him to realize what was happening before he found himself kissing back, pulling her even closer by the waist. All the pent-up frustration, love, anger, just pure emotion, was channeled in this kiss. He let out a small moan as her tongue met his and he ran his hands down her lower back and to her ass. Their hands continued to roam as their mouths fought for dominance. They had to stop for air and as they started pulling away she took his bottom lip in with her teeth, slowly releasing it as they regained consciousness.

It took a while for her to will her eyes to reopen but when she did, he was staring into them. They reluctantly removed their hands from one another and took a small step back to put some distance between them. He knew she was emotional, he also knew she was serious, but still didn't want her to regret anything they did right now. He wanted to take her right there but didn't want to risk the regret.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" He managed to ask, whispering. She couldn't find the strength to speak so she nodded, stunned. She watched him hesitate before he quietly grabbed his jacket and left her apartment.

"What the fuck just happened?" She asked herself aloud. She was stunned at her behavior but even more stunned at _his._ He had kissed back, something she had not expected. She had just confessed more to him in the last 5 minutes than she had ever confessed to anyone in her whole life. And he had kissed her back. He didn't stop, pull away or run.

She willed the thoughts out of her head, not wanting to jump to conclusions. She poured herself another glass of wine and nursed it while she sat on the couch. How was she supposed to feel? What was life, even? She just didn't know. Then again, she didn't want to have to think about it.

Luckily, the alcohol would take care of that for her. She would drink herself numb and then be able to think freely, with no pain or emotion. Being drunk was her best option, lately. She'd rather feel nothing at all than to have to hurt or, worse yet, love.


	6. Chapter 6

**This is the final chapter of this not-so-one-shot. ;)**

 **(I don't own anything, as per usual).**

 **Again, thank you to everyone for reading and commenting and such-much love for y'all. Enjoy!  
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* * *

 **Sunday**

The light of the morning coupled with Noah's cries woke her. She sat up, wincing and holding her head in her hands as she steadied herself on the couch. She sat there for a moment, massaging her temples and waiting for her eyes to adjust to the soft light.

"Coming, baby." She padded down the hallway towards her son's room before picking him up and soothing him. She started the day with her morning rituals of feeding, bathing and changing her son, neglecting herself, as usual. Soon, Noah was munching happily on his breakfast in his highchair as she poured herself a cup of coffee and turned on the news.

The events of last night flooded her memory, causing her headache to come back with a vengeance. She grabbed the neck of a bottle of rum she kept in the cupboard and poured a shot into her coffee. _Better than Aleve_. She scoffed at the thought. She couldn't remember when alcohol had started to play such a large role in her life. It wasn't as if she just woke up one day and decided to knock back some booze; it wasn't like that.

It started gradually. Being a mother added a lot of stress to her already stressful life and a few beers or glasses of wine here and there helped relieve the stress. She had always looked to alcohol as a stress reliever, as many do, but now she looked to alcohol for much more. She didn't have a problem, or so she reasoned with herself. She was perfectly functional; she was still a great mom and detective. If getting a buzz benefited her personally and professionally, she saw no harm.

She was torn from her thoughts by her cell phone buzzing and she knew it would be him.

"Hey." She wasn't sure how to approach him, so she remained neutral.

"Hey." He sounded happy, relaxed even. "Sleep well?"

"I did…but, I'm sure you didn't just call to ask about my sleeping habits." She didn't feel like dancing today.

"Liv…", he took a big breath before continuing. "I'm sorry…about last night." Sensing she was tensing at his words, he figured he should clarify. "I'm sorry for not answering your questions, that is. Not sorry about the kiss."

She remained silent, waiting for him to explain further, hoping he would.

"Do you mind if I come over to explain myself?" He felt a game of 20 questions would be best played in person and waited for her to grant him permission before knocking on her door. He had been outside for at least 30 minutes.

"What the hell…" Phone still in her hand, she opened her front door to see him smirking.

"Traffic was pretty light." She smiled slightly at his lame attempt to lighten the situation and let him inside. She walked back into the kitchen, dumped her spiked coffee in the sink and brought her son into the living room so he could play in his play pen. She turned back to face Elliot as he stood staring at the floor.

"Well?" She asked him, her arms now folded across her chest.

"Yes."

"I'm not following." She was confused by his random declaration and wondered where in the hell his brain was at. He was now looking directly into her eyes, determined and scared but also brave.

"You asked me if I had ever thought of you. If I had ever thought of you as anything…more." She was now aware and felt the need to run away from what he had to say. She had wanted to hear him say this for so long and now the reality was starting to be too much for her to handle.

"You have a right to know that I've thought about you for a long time." He shifted his stance and took a step closer to her, amused by her bewildered look and his bravado. He rested his hands on her shoulders, gazing down into her eyes.

"All those long nights in the car, waiting for our perp. Accidentally brushing up against you. The sideways glances you'd give me. Your outfits…God, those outfits."

She smiled proudly at the confession and began to relax. She had always dressed with him in mind and, now that she knew her efforts were successful, it made all those times so much more special. Giving up on the tough-guy act, she looped her arms under his armpits and laid her head against his chest, just happy to be close to him.

He was so relieved that she wasn't running or yelling. Neither of them was sure how far or where this thing would go but both were willing to try. He held her head close to him and rubbed her back with the other hand, soaking up the way she felt against him and her scent as they both breathed slowly.

"I don't have a whole lot left to give…" He leaned back a bit to force her to look at him so he could show her how serious he was. "But, whatever I have…it's yours, Liv."

She smiled as a few tears escaped and ran down her cheeks. Alcohol did nothing compared to what he was doing to her. He made her feel so safe, so loved and wanted. In that moment, it was them again; just Benson and Stabler, back to take on the world together.

She could no longer fight the tears that fell freely as she released her grip on him and reached for the necklace that was hidden under her shirt. She pulled his Semper Fidelis pin out and looked at it smiling.

"I've kept this with me for the past five years. I took it with me wherever I went," She paused to try to stifle her tears. "You were with me wherever I went." She wasn't sad (quite the contrary), she was moved by his words and his unadulterated emotions. She felt like she owed him a confession in return for his.

"And I'm with you now, Liv. I'm not going anywhere." He gently lifted her chin so she would look at him and wiped the stray tears from her cheeks, admiring her beauty. "I meant it then and I mean it now…semper fi."

That was it. That's what she needed to here. He was there to stay, to be by her side through it all, no matter what. If she had told him to jump, he'd have asked how high.

 _Semper fi._

The words lingered on his lips and she found their meaning to be ever relevant. They had always been faithful to each other. They weren't starting something new or ignoring their past, they were adding an additional chapter to the many that they had written before. All of the years that they spent suppressing their feelings, fighting, leaving and sometimes crossing the line, all of that made the _now_ even better. If their bond was an exam, it would be cumulative _and_ comprehensive; written response and not multiple choice; short essay and not short answer.

Olivia clung to him tighter than ever, as did he to her. They were happy and they knew that whatever happened from here on was going to be alright, because they had each other. Sure, it took them being ripped apart to realize it but this is what they both needed in their lives because this is what they've always needed: each other.

 **The end.**

* * *

 **End note/rant:**

 **Asjkfhsd! I WISH SO HARD. But sometimes I don't.**

 **My hypothesis: If Stabler were to come back to the show to pursue a relationship with Benson (why else would he come back, tbh)...they'll fuck. it. up. And then that means the end of the show and that is way worse (debatable). Legit what happened with House MD and this is why I have trust issues with writers and producers. Just saying.**

 **Of course, its also why _I'm_ not a writer or producer.**

 **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**


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